The life of a disciple is a beautiful embodiment - a holy place, an open invitation. To come and rest. To take up peace, and to walk in love. It is breath-taking and magical and incredibly simple, yet devastatingly difficult to live. We are both broken and benevolent beings, and it is so easy to want to do good, and still to fall into the very things we despise. We are a breeding ground of self-inflation and ego.
The corruption of the bride of Christ - as an entity - discourages my heart. We were given permission to do as we want. However, our choices are not all viable ones. The true test of liberation is if our choices bring us closer to freedom.
When I look at the church, I see the injustices, the snakes that are said to be saviors, the intentioned celibacy of the church infecting everyone with her STD's. I see it all and I grieve and I have to be careful not to point my own bloodied finger at the atrocities, when I have so very many of them housed within my own heart. There's truth, and then there's love.
The grace of love is that it changes us. It covers us, and it inspires us out of sin and into beauty and generosity. It is entirely supernatural to overcome the ego - to starve the body of emotional bread and want. To love wholly and fully. Truth matters, but love is what makes the truth heard.
It is okay to be honest and to admit that I am unhappy and grossly dissatisfied with the collective body of Christ, but I have to be careful not to outgrow myself as a daughter and illegitimately promote myself to be The Judge. I'm allowed to feel the injustice of the modern church, but my emotions must have a boundary. Everything that I feel, I must dismantle by turning inwardly. I need to question my motives. Understand the dark parts of my own humanity and release all bargaining power. I must exchange self for others, powerlessness for power, serving over ruling, and Spirit over ego. I have to confront my pride with the discipline of humility. Simply put, I must listen and surrender.
The only way to constructively dismantle the broken bride, is to become the healthy bride; to start with my own disfigured heart. I can do this with each seemingly insignificant moment. I must consciously choose for the Spirit to usurp my soul - to surrender in order for my will to be broken. I have to let love and healing into the cracks of my being. My anger then transforms to passion, and I am able to spur others on by lighting up their life with love, instead of torching them with fire.