There have been some situations in my life lately where I have felt betrayed and very hurt. I've tried very hard not to let those feelings cloud my vision and to walk in forgiveness. Honestly though, it's been a rough road, and I have felt like I've had on the wrong shoes for the journey.
I've spent time in prayer (probably not equal to the amount of time that I've stewed in my justified frustration), but I have been trying. I laid in bed the other night, and my insides were churning as I was letting myself feel offended all over again. I began to remind my rational self over and over again that forgiveness isn't a feeling, but really a choice. I gained some sense of peace, at least enough to fall asleep.
As I was sleeping, I began to dream that I was at school. It was the end of the day and I was headed to my car to go to a bonfire that the school was hosting. As I was now nearing my destination, I saw three huge red barns bursting with flames. I had seriously underestimated the intensity of this bonfire! I looked at the smoke rising from the first barn, and I saw massive elephants. From another barn I saw a perfect and expansive number three. And then I woke up.
I dug out my book on dream symbolism. I looked up barns. I read..
a symbol for blessings.
I looked up fire-
Presence of God. Holiness of God.
Hmmm. What was God saying?
Invincible or thick-skinned
not easily offended
Wow! I'm really getting warmer.
The number three representing the trinity, the united force of God Himself - Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
And then...the light bulb.
God was telling me that he would teach me (school), purify and test me (fire), so that I would not be easily offended (elephants) and that through this refining, I would create room for His blessings (barns). And the only way I would be capable of such testing, was with God Himself (number three)!!!
Okay God, I get it. The choice to forgive just got a little easier, and already I can feel my skin getting a little thicker! It's nothing short of a miracle that God can speak such mysteries to my subconscious and I can wake up feeling cleansed, healed, and a lot more of His love for myself to be able to pass around!!